Anything you can do, I can do better…

There has been a death at the apartment. Not just any sort of thing died, mind you. It was something that was very near and dear to my heart…my oscillating fan. Before you laugh and say something along the lines of, “You poor, typical, man…” let me tell you my story (then you’re free to say whatever you want!).

I bought this fan right after I started working at the Grambling (the first time I’ve mentioned where I used to work!). It was a really cool looking fan…like something out of a classic film noir. It was silver in color and ran like a demon was after it. Personally, I thought it was pretty cool and had an air of “antiquity” surrounding it…even though I got it at Wal-Mart for less than $8.

Well, 3 years have passed since I purchased this fan, and it followed me on many wild adventures (we went spelunking in Florida, white water rafting in Idaho and even snow skiing in Hawaii). All things were good in Fan-land, as it were, until Sunday when it decided that it was tired and just stopped.

Please imagine with me, if you will, the concern that I felt as I looked over at my long-term friend and realized that it had flat-lined for the last time (and I hadn’t even turned it off!). Quickly, I tried everything that I could think of to revive it. I unplugged it and plugged it back in. I turned it off and back on, but the fan just wouldn’t turn on.

I cried.

Ok, so I didn’t cry, I wasn’t even upset…but it was puzzling.

Tonight, I decided (yeah, I waited 3 days) to see if I might be able, in all of my technical wizardry, to revive this fan of mine. I got out all the tools that I would need (2 screwdrivers, a pocket knife and a pair of tweezers) and set it on the coffee table. Groovy looked at me with concern in her eyes and asked, “Do you think you can save it?” “Damn it, Groovy! I’m a computer geek, not a fan repair man!” (ok, so she didn’t say anything to that effect and I didn’t swear at her)

I deftly wielded my trusty Phillips screwdriver and began removing screws left and right. Metal flew. My hands were a blur across the various mechanisms that made the fan a fan. I was making quite a bit of progress…I really was. Then, as it so often happens, I ran into a snag. The motor wouldn’t come out of the housing. “Hmm,” I said to myself, “someone put it together, so I can take it apart. Anything they can do, I can do better.”

That became my mantra as I considered the various ways that the motor could have been placed inside the housing. “Maybe they used a transporter,” my over-geeked brain came up with. “No no no…that’s not possible. You can’t transport anything that small to someplace so specific,” I replied. Finally, I decided that the 4 screws that had been mocking me from around the housing were the issue, so I removed them as well. Little did I know that they were held in place by nuts on the back side…virtually impossible to replace once taken out.

JOY! The housing came completely off the motor! I looked inside my now disemboweled motor and noticed a decided lack of dust or grease. “Hmm,” I said to myself. “Surely this isn’t broken because of a lack of…grease.” Yes, Scott…that was the problem. Well, as there was absolutely no way I was EVER going to put that thing back together, I gathered up all the parts and a plastic bag, said a few short words in its memory, and I placed the parts in the bag for burial tomorrow.

I guess if there is one thing that I can tell all you other aspiring home repair people it’s this…before you go through the trouble of tearing something apart (when, of course, you have NO clue how it works), take the time to see if it needs grease. Apparently, grease makes things like fans work better…who knew. One other thing to remember, if you do decide to tear into a project like mine, is to have a mantra handy. Feel free to use mine until you come up with your own…anything you can do, I can do better.

Oh, and you can laugh at me now.

Travel guide....*blegh!*

Lots to talk about, so I’ll skip the salutations and all that and get right to the topics.

Last weekend was pretty fun. Groovy’s sister and her boyfriend (Lawyer and Lawyerette) came up to visit. I say “came up” because they drove in a northerly direction to arrive here in Frederick. I hadn’t seen Lawyerette in several years, and hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting Lawyer (he’s a pretty cool guy, that). Lawyerette was pretty much as I remembered her, except a bit older and a bit taller. We all sat around, getting to know each other once again (well, SOME of us were getting to know the others anyway) and then we all went to bed.

The next morning, we all piled into Lawyerette’s car and drove to Arlington to meet up with Lawyer’s friend. All told, 7 people ended up being in the group (friend’s friend and dad, plus the 4 of us) that went on a hike along the Potomac River. We hiked and hiked. Hike group, hike! All told, I would say we went just shy of 10,000 miles (rounded for effect). Groovy and I had a blast whilst dehydrating ourselves quite a bit (our fault…we neglected to bring adequate beverages…soda and hiking don’t mix). We left after about 4 hours and got some water at Whole Foods. Groovy and I got a 1.5 liter bottle…and I had drunk mine shortly after we left the store. It was bad. Anyway, we all went back to Friend’s house and took showers and then went to eat (minus Friend and friend’s dad) at this Italian place in Arlington. It was great food…but for the life of me, I can’t remember the name of the place. After that, we went to this bar to hear one of Friend’s friend play (he’s in a band). It was pretty cool, all in all, and we got home around 1am. *YAWN!*

That was pretty much last weekend…truncated for all those that care to know if anything else happened. Other stuff happened…but, it’s not important.

After working my second week at my new job (I’ll get to that eventually!), Groovy and I decided that it would be fun to take a day trip to Amish Country. For those of you slightly out of the loop (j ust like I was before this last week), Amish Country means “small cities in Pennsylvania with names like ‘Bird in Hand’, ‘Lancaster’ and the like”. That’s a literal translation for those of you that are wondering. Anyway, Groovy, in all her wisdom, went to the library and checked out a book about day trips in (you guessed it) Amish Country. We had a basic idea, by Saturday morning, what we wanted to do, so we set out around 10 for Amish Country (I keep repeating “Amish Country” because I think it sounds cool and it makes me sound cool).

Hanover, Pennsylvania is a small town roughly 10 miles off Highway 30. What is the big deal about Hanover? Well, we thought that it was going to be a bigger deal than it actually was because Snyder (a pretzel company) is based out of there (Snyder Pretzels….mmmmm). Anyway, we get there and we go into the store. Honestly, it’s like going to the chip aisle of your local grocery store. Not much other than pretzels and some chips (I know…what did I really expect?). They had some diverse flavors, but for the most part, it was nothing more than you would find in a store. We left empty handed.

We then drover to Bird in Hand, Pennsylvania. Bird in Hand is named that way because way back in 1742, John Smitherton got a bad batch of pretzels from Snyder and he started tripping and thought it would make a good name for a town (believe me…it’s better than some of the other names for towns in that area…). I don’t know this to be historically accurate…but it sounds about right and, as it’s my blog, I get to write what I think is true. So there. Anyway, we went there for the expressed reason of eating a genuine Amish meal at a restaurant. Lofty goals have we, I know. We entered “Good and Plenty” and looked around for a bit. This part I’m not making up: $17 for a buffet. Wow. It’s 95 degrees outside, and I want to pay $17…per person…for a meal when really all I want is something to drink. We promptly left (after we fed the goats) and went to “Bird in Hand Family Restaurant”. Instead of $17, this place only wanted $14.99. What a deal. Anyway, we ended up ordering the soup, salad and dessert bar (a steal at $7.50 per person) and, quite frankly, we were content and happy with out choice. The food there was, to say the least, exactly what one would find at your local Ryan’s, Shoney’s or Furr’s. If you like cafeteria food, go there. If not, McDonalds is in Lancaster. I’m being cynical here, but honestly, it wasn’t what I would classify as “Amish” food…except for “ShooFly Pie” and “Raisin Pie” (this tan, gelatinous goo between two pieces of crust with a handful of raisins…yum).

So, we left there and went to this other place that was selling pretzels, thinking that it might be better than Snyder. It wasn’t. We left there and decided, as neither of us had ever been to a brewery, that we would go to Bube’s Brewery. Well, as we hadn’t thought to bring a map, or to print out something, we were driving along to the map printed in the day trips book. Great thing, that. Nothing is labeled. It’s like looking at a pot of spaghetti noodles and trying to find your way from one side to the other. It’s impossible! Anyway, we FINALLY found our way to the place (after a 20 minute detour in which we saw a lot of scenery). We walk up, open the door and ask to see if we can walk around the place to “tour” the establishment. Well, we were given permission so we went up to the “museum” (it was more like a nasty attic that the place threw all their old junk…and just as organized as a typical attic would be) and then down some stairs and across a basement that had these huge casks in it. Well, we then were asked how we were doing by this guy. “Fine, fine…we’re just looking around.” He gives us the ok and we continue to be amazed at the lack of cool things contained in the “museum”. We go back up some stairs and were asked what we were doing. “We have no clue…just walking around.” As it turns out, 2 establishments share a basement and we traveled from one business to another without being aware of it at all. Needless to say, we were less than impressed with the place as a whole (and with the guide book as a whole), and we left to come home.

If I can tell you anything as a result of this it would be this: never trust anything you read in a travel guide. NEVER!