My weekend...and Thanksgiving

This weekend was probably the best weekend that I’ve had in a very long time? Being the analytical person that I am, I’ve tried to figure out why this weekend was just so much better than the preceding weekends (probably for at least 6-9 months worth, I mean). What have I come up with? Several small things…and they are:

1) I got a phone call from a friend of mine on Saturday asking if I wanted to go to Monroe to go shopping with her. While I usually can’t stand shopping at all, especially around this time of year, I decided that I would go just to get out of the house. Well, truth be told, I had a great time. We went to Toys-R-Us and looked for all sorts of stuff to get for her niece and nephew for Christmas, and then we went to Sams to buy stuff for her fiance’ (who happens to be deployed in Iraq or something). After that, we went to this Mexican place called Miguels, or something, and ate. After that, we went to Maggie Moo’s and had some ice cream. We were going to watch a movie, but we opted not to because neither one of us wanted to wait around for 2 hours for it to start.
2) I came home after that and played HalfLife 2 (hands down, the best game I’ve ever played…and I don’t say words like that about just any game, mind you). I got to play that for a while, and eventually (at 11:47pm) beat the game. That’s not to say I played it all in one day…quite the contrary. I started playing on Tuesday and was on that game pretty much nonstop through all of my “spare” time.
3) Saturday night, my neighbor came over and asked if I wanted to eat supper with them. I was agreeable to this (food is always good). We also watched some Harry Potter movie that I didn’t understand. I don’t get that show, but their son seemed to enjoy it a bit…so I guess it was all good.
4) Sunday morning, I woke up and was feeling rather industrious and domestic or something. I cleaned my apartment (except, I just realized I didn’t vacuum the floors!) and did some laundry. I then decided that I wanted to bake some stuff…so I baked 2 batches of Pumpkin Bread (one with pecans and one without), 1 batch of Banana Bread, and 1 Pumpkin Pie. Now, the pie was made later on in the evening, and, while waiting for it to cool down to a cool enough degree as to be edible, I fell asleep on the couch. I awoke there at 11 or so and went to bed after putting the pie in the fridge.
5) Between cooking all the breads and pies and such, I got a phone call from my boss (a dear woman of 75 years of age) asking me to go with her to Monroe to another one of our co-workers church for a Thanksgiving meal. I went and had a pretty good time.

So, that was my weekend. This next week will be interesting. I plan on going to a race on Thursday morning and then will come home and have a Turkey po-boy or something. I didn’t feel like driving to be with my parents (they live in Baton Rouge), and while I’ve been invited to several family gatherings, I don’t want to be that imposing guy that nobody wanted there to begin with. I know, I know…nobody cares at Thanksgiving. It’s time to be thankful for what you have. Well, you know what? I’m very thankful for what I have. I have a lot to be thankful for, but I think I would rather be thankful alone this year than to spend it with other people.

Guilt...why?

Two things are bothering me today and I feel compelled to write about both of them.

First, I want to talk about guilt. Guilt is feeling bad about something that you had the power to control either by action or inaction. That means, something happened that effected you as a person came about as a result of you doing, or not doing, something.

I've recently been through this, and am presently feeling guilt as a direct result...here's why: I'm one of those people that has morals (yeah, believe it or not), and there are certain things that I feel that I, as a person, am supposed to do. For now, we'll only be talking about 2 of these things.

The first of these things that make up the core of my psyche is "honor". Honor can simply be defined as "High respect". Now, I feel that it is my duty, at all times, to honor everyone that I can. This is, I admit, sometimes difficult. For instance, what if there are two people that both want me to do something, but they have conflicting views (one wants me to do something, the other wants me to do the opposite). It's at these times that the thing that I do is which ever is the most "right"; that is, whichever of the two choices is the right thing to do. If I were asked to help someone with something, and asked to ignore that person...I would be honor bound to help that person...regardless of what the other person thought.

The second of these things is "respect". Respect is simply defined as "A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. " I feel that it is my duty, at all times, to repsect everyone that I can. Do you sense a pattern here? Yes...I do too.

Honor and respect are VERY closely tied together. It's putting someone else before you. It's always trying to do the right thing, regardless of what others think. This could, of course, go back to my Scouting days...who knows for sure...but, I like to think that it goes far beyond that. That it is something that is as much a part of me as my name.

The question then is, "Why are you feeling guilt if these things are so much a part of you?" Quite simply, I made a decision that hurt people (as well as myself). I know what you're thinking..."Scott, everyone hurts someone eventually." This is true, but, because of my duty to honor and respect, it hurts me on a grand scale when I hurt someone else.

So, then the question I asked myself is, "How does one free one's self from these feelings of guilt?" Well, quite simply, you must apologize to the person that was wronged. This is sometimes harder to do than one would imagine. I mean, pride will always get in the way of your endeavours, and will make you say to yourself, "They will never accept my apology...I'll just tell myself I told them and will move on." The only problem with that line of reasoning is: You never forget. Well, I take that back...a moral person will never forget.

There is one other thing that bothers me that I want to talk about here. I know this isn't fair to put one's own values on someone else, but to be treated with respect from time to time would be really nice. At my present job, I am not respected at all. I play several different roles here, and none of them are really that much fun. For instance, instead of walking down the hall to open up a classroom, I will get a call asking me to walk to the other side of the building to open it for them. I, of course, do so...but, it would be nice to be treated with as much respect as I give out.

Anyway, these are the things that have been bothering me. As a footnote, I have since apologized to the person that I offended, and am patiently awaiting a response. Will I get one? Only time will tell.

(both definitions used here are taken from dictionay.com)