Saturday, June 23, 2007

Elkhorn Hike


I went on a hike this morning after eating breakfast at the airport with Mr and Mrs EPA and Mr and Mrs Electrician (and various children). Since moving to Helena, I’ve looked south of town at the Elkhorn mountains with this strong desire to climb to the top of them. I wouldn’t do anything exciting like yell at Helena like Kermit did in Muppets take Manhattan, but I would enjoy the hike and would be able to take the experience with me no matter where I went.

I left Helena around 8:45 and arrived at Elkhorn (a dilapidated old ghost town) around 9:30 and found, through the use of several trail guidebooks, the trail head. The hike is listed as “Strenuous”, so I was sure that I better have as many provisions I could carry just in case something happened…so I brought 2 bottles of water, my jacket (while it was to be 80 today…who knew what it would be like at the summit!), 2 snack bars, some matches and a camera. I always carry a knife with me, so I figured if the random bear or mountain lion happened to think me a tasty treat, I would be able to convince them otherwise (in reality, I know I would just scream like a little girl and try to run away).

I started out and was making pretty good time. I came across some deserted buildings that looked REALLY old (think early 1900’s) and some sort of mining apparatus. I don’t know what it was for, but it was there and I noticed it (that’s pretty much all I can say about that). I kept noticing elk and deer tracks in the dirt, so my eyes were pealed in the hopes that I would see one of them.

About that time, I heard the sound that will go with me to my grave. I had read about these things before, but never having really experienced it myself, I had goose bumps and thought I would wet myself. There was the sound again…the blood curdling bark of…a chipmunk! Yes…honest. I wouldn’t lie about a thing like this. I thought I was going to be attacked. I heard one bark and then the answering bark from the other side of the trail…were they coordinating their attack? “Hear me tiny woodland creatures…I’m bigger than you are and you would taste yummy after a little marinade,” I said…and the woods became deathly quiet. Shortly after this, they apparently decided to make peace with me because Phil, who I named and who became my tour guide, popped up in a clearing to wish me well (he even did the “one paw held high” half-salute like the Knight did in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).

I hiked a bit further and came across a stream that was running down the side of the mountain and I made the mistake of putting my hand in the water. It was ICE COLD. Not just “this could have come out of the fridge”…no, this was barely water. So cold, in fact that I dipped my hand in it and then jumped up when it registered how cold it was. Being a bit of a slow learner, I plunged my hand back into the pool with the same results. Never said I was a bright one, did I?

I then came across a HUGE boulder field like a rock slide down the side of the mountain. I would hate to imagine the amount of force required to move that many rocks as well as the force of said rocks against things like trees, the dirt…or unsuspecting, geeky hikers.

I kept hiking, but noticed a decided increase in the number of mosquitoes. It got so bad (roughly 3 miles into my hike), that I actually had to turn back and make my way back down the mountain. I did NOT reach my goal this time…but, thanks to Phil, who on the way down gave me safe passage through his and his peoples lands, I will definitely try again.


Friday, June 15, 2007

Things I need to work through...

The following are a list of things that I need to work through as I begin my "rebith". I'm putting them here so that everyone can see them and can help me on my path.

1) How to allow myself to trust another person again.
2) How to allow myself to believe another person again.
3) How to allow myself to love again.
4) How to get past being lied to.
5) How to get past allowing myself to be manipulated.
6) How to let go of these things and many others and move on.
7) How to forget the past and those that have hurt me.

That's all for now.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

And then again...


I know I said that was the end…well, I’ve changed my mind. So there.

Greetings dear reader…after taking a little bit of time for myself to refocus and center myself, I’ve decided that writing in this blog really IS cathartic. I mean, if I have no avenue to release thoughts, I’m going to get more and more frustrated with things. So, as such, I shall continue this…project. And, as suggested by someone I work with, this isn’t always going to be positive things. I’m going to be real here…good or bad, it’ll all be here.

Rebirth.

Like a phoenix rising once again from the flames, I’m rediscovering who I am…who I’ve become…and who I want to be. I freely admit that the person that I have become isn’t really the person I want to be. It isn’t the ME me, if you will. It’s the person that I have become as a result of that which occurs around me…and I’m tired of that me. It’s not the me that I want to be…it isn’t the INSIDE me.

Who is the inside me, then? The inside me desires peace…desires contentment…desires the ability to admire and embrace the simple things. It shuns complications. It is quiet, but firm. It wants to follow the dreams that it has...to be itself.

I want to be like Smurfette and Cat (two friends of mine that I work with). Smurfette is always supportive of her friends. Always there to lend a kind word. Cat is going through some hard times of her own…and yet, is surviving. They’re both making do with what they are given, and are bettering themselves as a result. Or take Ah-Ha, one of the guys I work with. I’ve never seen him have a bad day. He’s always “livin’ the dream”…I want to be that way.

I realize that one simple thing can give me all that I seek: Perspective. It’s not so much the things that happen to me that I’m in need of fighting…it’s how I choose to react to those things. If something bad happens outside of my control and I get upset about it, I’ve already lost. I need to be the blade of grass instead of the crystal glass.