Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…
This isn’t normal for me. Well, writing another post so soon after having written a rather lengthy one, I mean. Why am I doing it? Well, I was thinking about a lot of stuff yesterday (I had tons of free time…maybe I need a second job?), and I came up with two related, but vastly different ideas. I wanted to post them here, so here goes.
First, for years, I’ve been saying the wrong thing. For quite a while, I’ve said, “All I want out of life is to be happy,” or, “My main goal in life is to be happy.” I now say that this is the wrong thing to strive for.
Happiness, while a very good thing to aim for, is nothing more than a feeling. It is usually short-lived and not fulfilling. Pain, tiredness, and glee are also emotions that are short-lived and unfulfilling, and really don’t make very good goals for life. I mean, you’ve never heard anyone that said, “I want to be in pain for the rest of my life.” Technically, there might be some people that say stuff like that, but they usually reside in mental hospitals or are on some serious meds to counteract those feelings, but for the sake of argument, we’re going to assume that these feelings are not normal. So, if happiness is just an empty feeling, what would be something that would be a better life-goal? Well, the thing that I am going to be working on is contentment.
Contentment is simply satisfaction. Satisfaction not only with where you are at in life, but also with things that are out of your control and with things that happen as a direct result of your actions or inactions. It’s the antithesis of anger, envy and anxiety. It is a feeling, of course, but it’s something that is much more lasting than happiness. It’s something that will change your life if you let it. Contentment. I want to be content with what I have, who I am and where I am in life. Does that mean that I don’t want to better myself? No, but if I try to better myself and it doesn’t work out, I just won’t be upset about it. Things happen that you have no control over, and there’s no point in getting upset about them. This is my NEW life goal…contentment.
Second, my mom has this theory that she probably read somewhere about “Love Languages.” She, as well as the author that she read, says that there are five ways for someone to show that they love you: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Now, I could go into what each of these mean, but I neither want to take the time to do this, nor do I want to take away from the authors theories.
Now, you may ask what my mom’s theory has to do with me and what I was thinking about. Well, simply put, I’ve thought about this for quite some time, but I’ve never been able to determine which language that I feel love (and therefore express love) in. My mom, for years, has said that she knew which I was, but that it was essentially my journey to discover which I thought I was. Well, I believe I’ve decided which I am.
For the longest time, I thought that I was three of the five. I don’t deal well with words of affection (it always seems hollow to me for some reason) and I’m not much of a gift giver/receiver. I do like to give things to people that need them, but I don’t think that’s what this is talking about. This is more of a “I want you to have this because I love you,” and not a “I want you to have this because you need it and I don’t.” That’s not to say that my reasons for giving aren’t right; I think they are, and that’s really all that matters. So, it came down to Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Physical touch is something that I think everyone needs to have. It’s not so much that if they don’t have it that they will die (like water or food), but for them to feel love, they HAVE to have the physical touch. For me, it was never really like that. Holding hands and stuff is important, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the most important thing to me.
Acts of Service. Everyone knows someone like this. I know several people that fit into this category (Neighbor, Son of Neighbor, My Dad). Now, I also think that everyone likes to have things done for them (I know I do), but this is more than that. This is “I’m doing this for you because I love you,” or “You doing this for me shows me that you love me.” And by “this” I mean running errands, making something for them or whatever. Service is the key to this one. It’s not bad, and it’s partly me, but it’s still not the most important to me.
Quality time, however, IS the most important thing for me. I could sit with someone and watch TV, or read a book while they were doing something else in the room, and I would feel loved. I have to feel important to that person. I need to know that that person cares about me enough to spend time with me, even if it just means cooking something with me, sipping coffee at the store (I know, I don’t drink coffee, but you get the idea), or just being in the same room. Show an interest. Let me feel important. Let me know I’m loved.
Now, I don’t mean this for you five people that read this blog. We’re all so separated by space and time zones (get it…hahahah!) that it’s hard. Don’t worry. Just the fact that you read this, as well as other things that I write, shows to me that you care…and for that, I thank you all.
-LT
First, for years, I’ve been saying the wrong thing. For quite a while, I’ve said, “All I want out of life is to be happy,” or, “My main goal in life is to be happy.” I now say that this is the wrong thing to strive for.
Happiness, while a very good thing to aim for, is nothing more than a feeling. It is usually short-lived and not fulfilling. Pain, tiredness, and glee are also emotions that are short-lived and unfulfilling, and really don’t make very good goals for life. I mean, you’ve never heard anyone that said, “I want to be in pain for the rest of my life.” Technically, there might be some people that say stuff like that, but they usually reside in mental hospitals or are on some serious meds to counteract those feelings, but for the sake of argument, we’re going to assume that these feelings are not normal. So, if happiness is just an empty feeling, what would be something that would be a better life-goal? Well, the thing that I am going to be working on is contentment.
Contentment is simply satisfaction. Satisfaction not only with where you are at in life, but also with things that are out of your control and with things that happen as a direct result of your actions or inactions. It’s the antithesis of anger, envy and anxiety. It is a feeling, of course, but it’s something that is much more lasting than happiness. It’s something that will change your life if you let it. Contentment. I want to be content with what I have, who I am and where I am in life. Does that mean that I don’t want to better myself? No, but if I try to better myself and it doesn’t work out, I just won’t be upset about it. Things happen that you have no control over, and there’s no point in getting upset about them. This is my NEW life goal…contentment.
Second, my mom has this theory that she probably read somewhere about “Love Languages.” She, as well as the author that she read, says that there are five ways for someone to show that they love you: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Now, I could go into what each of these mean, but I neither want to take the time to do this, nor do I want to take away from the authors theories.
Now, you may ask what my mom’s theory has to do with me and what I was thinking about. Well, simply put, I’ve thought about this for quite some time, but I’ve never been able to determine which language that I feel love (and therefore express love) in. My mom, for years, has said that she knew which I was, but that it was essentially my journey to discover which I thought I was. Well, I believe I’ve decided which I am.
For the longest time, I thought that I was three of the five. I don’t deal well with words of affection (it always seems hollow to me for some reason) and I’m not much of a gift giver/receiver. I do like to give things to people that need them, but I don’t think that’s what this is talking about. This is more of a “I want you to have this because I love you,” and not a “I want you to have this because you need it and I don’t.” That’s not to say that my reasons for giving aren’t right; I think they are, and that’s really all that matters. So, it came down to Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Physical touch is something that I think everyone needs to have. It’s not so much that if they don’t have it that they will die (like water or food), but for them to feel love, they HAVE to have the physical touch. For me, it was never really like that. Holding hands and stuff is important, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the most important thing to me.
Acts of Service. Everyone knows someone like this. I know several people that fit into this category (Neighbor, Son of Neighbor, My Dad). Now, I also think that everyone likes to have things done for them (I know I do), but this is more than that. This is “I’m doing this for you because I love you,” or “You doing this for me shows me that you love me.” And by “this” I mean running errands, making something for them or whatever. Service is the key to this one. It’s not bad, and it’s partly me, but it’s still not the most important to me.
Quality time, however, IS the most important thing for me. I could sit with someone and watch TV, or read a book while they were doing something else in the room, and I would feel loved. I have to feel important to that person. I need to know that that person cares about me enough to spend time with me, even if it just means cooking something with me, sipping coffee at the store (I know, I don’t drink coffee, but you get the idea), or just being in the same room. Show an interest. Let me feel important. Let me know I’m loved.
Now, I don’t mean this for you five people that read this blog. We’re all so separated by space and time zones (get it…hahahah!) that it’s hard. Don’t worry. Just the fact that you read this, as well as other things that I write, shows to me that you care…and for that, I thank you all.
-LT
posted by LaTech at 8:15 AM
2 Comments:
What happens when you think you're all 5?
Well, if you are all 5, that means that you are content with the way things are. Or that's the theory anyway. It's interesting to hear people's thoughts on their languages. Pretty cool. And, it's interesting to see if you are right about what someone's language is.
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